Birthday parties, funerals and political campaigns

Since my last post, I have been busy attending birthday parties, funerals and political campaigns. Here is a summary:

My nephew turned one. My brother's wife decided to have a fabulous birthday party. Missing your nephew's first birthday party may make you a bad aunt. Since I did not want to be a bad aunt, I attended my lovely nephew's birthday party. I am trying to forget all the annoying little details but I endured my in-laws rather well. I enjoyed the party mainly thanks to a seven year old boy, who decided to show me a hilarious interpretive dance.

One of my granduncles passed away. He had a sudden heart attack. Missing your granduncle's bereavement services may make you a bad grandniece. Since I did not want to be a bad grandniece, I attended the week-long bereavement services. I am trying to forget the little annoying remarks but I endured my extended family fairly well. Despite being in mourning, my mother's cousin could not help but to tell me that I, unlike my siblings, am not gregarious. So what? Some are gregarious and some are not!

One of my second cousins, who is also a very good friend, was campaigning for a friend of a friend to be elected as a board trustee of a community college. He is a hardworking community organizer. Missing your cousin's community rally may make you a bad cousin or, worse, a bad friend. Since I did not want to be a bad cousin-friend, I attended one of the political campaigns he organized. I had a fantastic time with some of the funniest clowns in town.

Most social functions could be fun even when they are done out of duty.

Picture: black tie cartoons, black tie cartoon, black tie picture, black tie

Oslo on my mind

Oslo on my mind

The home of most of my maternal family

Bombing News

Panic and terror thousand miles across the ocean

Phone calls and Facebook messages

Assurance and peace of mind

Sadness

Oslo, the sleepy quiet town, in mourning!

Mothers and daughters

Two weeks ago, my mom left for Oslo, Norway.
I don't know how long she will stay there.
I already miss her!

Of Pushkin, Dumas and Illusion

This past summer, I met my maternal granduncle L for the very first time. He had come to attend my brother's wedding from Italy, where he has lived almost all his life. He is a fairly young, around forty-something year old, professor of history at a major university. He had married his high school sweetheart, an Italian physician, had a son and then gotten a divorce. Most of the older ladies, smitten by his good looks, outgoing personality, and charming wit, were ready to play matchmakers and find him his soul mate. He was flattered and amused by the attention. What I found most captivating was the cultural difference or, should I say, cultural illusion. A great storyteller that he is, he shared with us many anecdotes, one of them being this.

One day in the early 1990's, he goes to a conference where a colleague, who specializes in African history, is presenting his research findings on Alexander Pushkin's East African ancestry and his future plans for the project. The presenter's position is that Pushkin’s great-grandfather, Abram Petrovich Gannibal, was originally from a border town between Ethiopia and Eritrea and that further research studies need to be conducted. A third colleague and L start to question whether Pushkin should even be a topic in African history. He is Russian and his contributions are to Russian literature. One who is specializing in African history should be focusing on Africa. Why create the illusion of a history? There are many topics within the African continent that need to be explored...The Pushkin expert overhears their remarks, fumes over their discouraging comments and protests to deaf ears...

Upon hearing this, I vehemently disagreed and defended the Pushkin expert. Yes, Yes, Pushkin is Russian but his East African ancestry should be examined and should be of interest to African history experts. In the U.S., Pushkin would have been considered black. Why shouldn't the East Africans claim him as part of their history? In my passionate argument, I even tried to lecture on how history should be studied forgetting briefly that I am talking to a historian. My argument was only met by a stunned look, a look that said ‘cosa stai parlando?’ There was an obvious difference in paradigm.

Long after the conversation ended, I wondered whether my view would have been the same had I not been conditioned by the American view of race and politics. One of the issues that has disappointed, baffled and confronted me in the land of the free is how the free was, dare I say, mentally imprisoned by race. Over the last two decades or so, it has greatly improved. I only imagine it to improve in the future. But still... I sometimes resent the issue and the conditioning.

A recent controversy surrounding a new movie about Alexandre Dumas (père), L’ Autre Dumas, reminded me of L’s Pushkin story. The controversy centered around the fact that a black actor not having the role of Dumas, a person of color, but instead Gérard Depardieu being cast for it. The general American view is probably an emphatic No. It does not matter that Dumas is three-quarter French; he should be portrayed by a black actor and not by Depardieu with a tanned face and curly hair. I wonder what the general French view is.

"The illusion which exalts us is dearer to us than ten-thousand truths.” Alexander Pushkin

I have yet to see the movie and I am already disappointed… not because Depardieu is playing Dumas but rather at the annoying storyline, i.e. Dumas allegedly had a shy collaborator, Auguste Maquet, who deserves much of the credit for the plots and drafts of Dumas’ most famous works. If this is not annoying to a Dumas fan, I do not know what is. I would have liked the illusion that exalted me to remain intact. Oh… how fascinated I was when I first read Dumas’ literary works as a child… and …when I found out his paternal ancestry as a new immigrant... knowing little then how many times I would have to examine and reexamine my illusions.

Photo 1: Two of Arts - 2000 Visual Mashups by qthomasbower

Photo 2: Alexander Pushkin in Negro History (Jet Magazine, May 28, 1953) by vieilles annonces

Photo 3: Alexandre Dumas in Negro History (Jet Magazine, July 24, 1952) by vieilles annonces

Believe in yourself

"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me." Jim Valvano

Photo: Father and daughter by Miss Moll

Let there be Love and Gratitude!

It has been over a couple of weeks since my dear sister's wedding. I am slowly recovering from all the excitement, dance and food. My sister was a very beautiful bride. Yours truly was the maid of honor and did her best to match the beauty that surrounded her. The bridal party was glamorous. The occasion was made very special by many of our childhood friends, whom we had not seen in over a decade and half, who traveled from different parts of the world to be part of the celebration... Love was all around... My dear sister and her groom's Thank you note, which they included in the wedding program, expressed it well:

We would like to thank our extraordinary parents, our wonderful siblings, and our supportive friends and family members who came from near and far. We feel embraced by your love, humbled by your presence and grateful for our blessings. Each of you has directly or indirectly played pivotal roles in our lives...

Love,

... and ...

One of the touching moments of the day was when my paternal uncle, who was subtituting for our father, and my sister went back to their seats in tears after the father-daughter dance for which my sister had chosen "Dance with my father" by Luther Vandross. As I watched my aging uncle sobbing and my mother wiping her tears, I wondered who will manage to be present at my wedding... As I looked over my paternal family members, I imagined how proud my father would have been... For a few seconds, my mind had wandered to the future and then to the past. When my mind returned to the present, the ballroom felt suddenly warmer and fuller. I felt very happy for my dear sister who was blessed to find that special someone in time to share him with the remaining family. The day could not have been more perfect!

Photo: David's Bridal

To be a social bee or a solitary bee

For the last one month, I have been too exhausted to write. I was too busy being a social bee. Many friends and family members came from all over the world to celebrate my dear brother's wedding. He and his bride made the celebration a 4-day event. Apparently, that is the norm in our culture. It was interesting getting to know new family members and old ones. I felt like I was a character in one of Jane Austen's novels. The most fascinating part is getting to know me from others' point of view. Whew!

We are now getting ready for my dear sister's wedding. We expect a new set of friends and family members. For the next couple of weeks, I plan to be an even better social bee. One wedding down and another one to go. I cannot wait to rest from all the social buzz. I am thinking I may even be a better solitary bee.

*Photo: Solitary bee on Feverfew by laighleas

Micheal Jackson: Thanks for the memories

Where have the years gone? It only seemed yesterday when ...

... I was mesmerized by Thriller the first time I watched it ... like the kids in Zaire...

... My classmate Nouriligne, wearing the red jacket, impressed our gym class with the moonwalk

... Monsieur Billat had our class translate the lyrics of Beat it into french

... We spent our summer nights watching old videos of Jackson 5 at my paternal grandparents' home ... with Uncle B (now gone) and my cousins

... Our nanny H, like Billie Jean, was certain she would marry Michael Jackson one day

... My siblings and I made a pact to call Michael Jackson "Michael Jackson" unlike all the other riff-raffs who insisted on calling him "Michael"

... My Ivorian friend and I debated over the lyrics of Black or White

The years are gone leaving their memories behind. Thanks for the soundtrack of our memories!

Bride and Prejudice: "Marriage into Town"

A couple of months ago, my sister came to town to prepare for her upcoming wedding, an event that will last for three days and will include 500 guests, the norm in our tradition. Needless to say, we have been very busy planning. For the last nine months, all of our conversations revolved around the following: venue, guest list, wedding stationery, photography, videography, entertainment, reception, catering,... It has been quite an adventure.

At the end of this visit, the night before she left, I suggested we watch Bride and Prejudice, a movie I have seen many, many times. Growing up, I watched a few Bollywood films at our neighbors’. Even though our neighbors were not Indians, they loved Bollywood films; they would explain the Hindi or Punjabi dialogue to me and my sister even though they did not speak these languages, and we would listen to them even though we knew they did not know these languages. What mattered to us were the many captivating elements: music, dance, spectacle along with love, vanity and social pressures. Here is an example:



I always loved big weddings. But why didn’t someone tell me preparing for a wedding is not just fun and play? Did I mention my brother is also getting married about the same time?

Birdie Num Num

One of my father’s favorite actors was Peter Sellers. He first introduced us to Sellers by renting the movie, The Party, a 1968 comedy written and directed by Blake Edwards, also starring Claudine Longet. We thought the film was hilarious; we spent that Saturday afternoon in hysterics. We enjoyed watching Peter Sellers as he played Hrundi V. Bakshi, a well-intentioned, but hapless, Indian actor who is accidentally invited to a lavish Hollywood party, where he causes havoc. Two decades later, I still burst out in laughter when I remember some of the scenes, especially when Bakshi talks gibberish and overfeeds "Birdie Num Nums" to a macaw.

I wonder how well received the movie would be if it were released in today’s politically correct environment. Did you know that, at one time, India had banned the film? [Read this]. Furthermore, according to Wikipedia, acclaimed Bengali Indian filmmaker Satyajit Ray was at one time set to make his American feature debut with Sellers in a leading role for his science fiction film, The Alien. When Ray came to visit Sellers on the set of The Party, he was so disgusted by Sellers' performance and the film, he refused to meet Sellers again. He felt it was a coarse caricature [Read this for more]. Apparently, Ray and other critics of the film do not share the same sense of humor as the fans of Peter Sellers. Richard Combs, the Film Comment writer, put it well when he said The Party is "both classic farce and trenchant satire, a self-sufficient fantasy about the fantasy of Hollywood life."

Had I not seen this movie with my father when I was a child, would I have the same feeling toward it? I do not know. What actually surprises me is that ever since I watched that movie I have been using the line “Birdie Num Num” to say “I am hungry” or “The food tastes good”. Oftentimes, I do so without even realizing it. Recently, my sister brought her future in-laws from out of state to introduce them to the family in a traditional ceremony. When she went back, she emailed me a clip of “Birdie Num Num” scene. I had a good laugh. Next time you are in a restaurant and you overhear someone say “Birdie Num Num”, don’t fret because you might just be seating next to me.

With apologies to Satyajit Ray, enjoy:

Let’s party and be sane!

The more you live, the wiser your parents seem. “You need to have an active social life to be sane” is something my mother always said to me and my siblings. I never really paid attention to that daily advice. I enjoyed being a "recluse". When my mom first moved to the U.S., she missed her very active and high profile social life the most. I never quite understood the importance of her social life to her well-being until I read about a recent Swedish study reported in the journal Neurology which claims that socially active people who were not easily stressed had a 50 percent lower risk of developing dementia compared to men and women who were isolated and prone to distress.

Past studies had shown the association between chronic distress (i.e. neuroticism) and greater risk of dementia, and the association between active lifestyle (i.e. high extraversion) and lower risk of dementia. The new study sought to examine the individual and combined effects of neuroticism and extraversion on the risk of dementia.

The study was based on a 6-year follow-up of 506 elderly people from the Kungsholmen Project, Stockholm, Sweden, who showed no signs of dementia upon the first examination. The volunteers’ personality traits were assessed using the Eysenck Personality Inventory. Specialists diagnosed dementia according to DSM-III-R criteria.

Among the different combinations (i.e. high neuroticism and high extraversion, high neuroticism and low extraversion, low neuroticism and high extraversion, low neuroticism and low extraversion), low neuroticism in combination with high extraversion seems to be the personality trait associated with the lowest dementia risk. However, among socially isolated individuals even low neuroticism alone seems to decrease dementia risk.

Hui-Xin Wang of the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, who led the study, said in a statement reported by Reuters.
"In the past, studies have shown that chronic distress can affect parts of the brain, such as the hippocampus, possibly leading to dementia, but our findings suggest that having a calm and outgoing personality in combination with a socially active lifestyle may decrease the risk of developing dementia even further."

Mom, you seem to be right!

Out of the mouths of babes

This past Sunday, I had an interesting conversation with two four-year old twin sisters who came to visit my mother with their grandmother. They were cute and talkative. During most of the visit, they were busy playing with each other except when I interrupted them.

Me: What are your names?

Twin #1: M...

Twin #2: I... What is your name?

Me: Mi.

Twin #2: Why are you wearing a scarf? (I was having a bad hair day so I was covering my head)

Me: Why? You don't like it?

Twin #2: Did you wash your hair? (Curious look)

Twin #1: Is it still wet?

Me: No and No.

Twin #1: Then you have to remove it (Pause). Where is your baby?

Me: What? Am I supposed to have a baby? (Blank stare) Here is my baby (I pointed at an old Teddy bear that I had)

Twin #1 and #2: Nooo (They started laughing) That is a Teddy bear!

It was good having our home filled with the laughter of young kids. After they left, I was motivated to wash and style my hair. Thanks I and M!